


Pick A Flower

by HotCat37



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Child Abuse, Flashbacks, M/M, PTSD, This is my first time writing for this fandom oops
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:40:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23750068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HotCat37/pseuds/HotCat37
Summary: Terry Milkovich has the brain of a goldfish, but he sure knows how to manipulate people.On Monday, he breaks Mickey's arm as pay-back for Mickey letting the motherfucker who didn't pay for his drugs get away. But he let's Mickey smoke his last cigarette the evening after.Terry gives Colin a black eye that lingers on his face for nearly two weeks, but doesn't say anything about Colin coming home late after running an errand.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 14
Kudos: 102





	Pick A Flower

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because apparently Mickey and Terry will have an understanding or somewhat civil relationship with each other next season and I just??? That doesn't make sense at all. After the horrendous abuse Mickey's endured throughout his whole life it isn't logical for him and Terry to suddenly become civil with each other. The flashbacks in this one-shot are based off of my own head-canons surrounding the Milkovich family, so I apologize if there's any information that doesn't match with what happened in canon. Title is based off of a creepy Jack Stauber song and I don't know why, but for some reason it reminds me off the Milkovich's

Nightmares.

Mickey doesn't get them often, or well, not since he married Ian, at least. He used to have them a lot. Woke up drenched in cold sweat and breathing heavily, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. They got worse after Terry caught him and Ian together that day. Got even _worse_ after Ian left for the army. 

They're usually childhood memories, sometimes they're about Ian leaving him. He hasn't had any about Ian in a few months. Maybe it's because this time, he wakes up with Ian's arms around him every morning. Maybe because this time, he has a family. Not of his own blood, but the Gallagher's feel more like home than Mickey's family ever did.

He's glad he doesn't have them as much anymore. But the problem that came with it, is that when he _did_ get them, it was much, much harder to hide it. Back in the day Mickey was at least able to hide out in the bathroom and force himself to calm down there, maybe throw up if it got too much to handle. 

If he got them now, Ian would feel him stir and let out choked gasps. Ian doesn't ask, but he knows. Mickey can just feel it. Ian might've not suffered the same kind of horrifying childhood Mickey did, but his hadn't been a fairy-tale either. His husband, fuck, _husband,_ clearly doesn't believe Mickey when he says it's just a sex dream he's having. 

Sex dreams don't make Mickey feel like the world around him is spinning uncontrollably, and they don't make him feel like he's drowning either. Sex dreams don't make him feel **terrified.**

Some memories are less extreme than others. Whenever Mickey falls asleep it's like he's playing Russian roulette. Will he have a peaceful sleep? Will he wake up with his heart racing a thousand times faster than humanly possible? Or will he wake up in the middle of the night after a bad, but overall not horrifying memory and decide to go back to sleep?

The latter nightmares are usually of when his mom was still alive or about Sandy. Those memories are about Mickey and Sandy crying because Terry took away the Christmas presents Mickey's mom left under the tree. It usually ends with Mickey getting a rough shove from his dad and Sandy being send out on the porch by Uncle Ronnie to cool off. Some memories are about mom, they're somewhat vague and don't go on for too long. 

In those dreams she smiles at him from where he's sitting on the couch, reading a magazine about guns he stole from his dad's drawer. She's usually picking up empty beer bottles. Or doing some other shit. Those ones always end with Terry calling him a pussy for smiling at his mom or with Terry sneering some other bullshit in mom's direction. 

They're anything but fucking pleasant. They make him feel sad, empty. _Numb._ But they don't make him panic, and that's enough for him.

This night however, he wasn't 'lucky' enough to have a milder nightmare. This is by far the craziest shit he'd ever dreamt about. At this point it's just a jumbled mess of different memories and he can't seem to wake up. It's a repeated cycle with a new repressed memory over and over again and he _can't fucking open his eyes._

-_-_-_-_-_-_-__-__-__--_--__--__--_-_----_-__-__-_--_--_-_-__-_-_--_-_-_--_-_-__-_--_-_--_-__-

_"She's gonna fuck the faggot outta you, kid." Terry's leaning down over the couch, practically whispering the words in Mickey's ear. But Ian hears it. Terry makes sure he does.  
_

_Mickey can't stand to look Ian in the face as Svetlana crawls on top of him. She gets to work almost right away, like this is just an every day occurrence in her line of work. To her credit, though, she looks genuinely uncomfortable about having to fuck a 19-year old gay kid at gunpoint. He spares a glance at the ginger Gallagher a few feet away from him. He's got a strange mix of disgust, utter sadness and fright on his face all at once.  
_

_He doesn't want to watch, but Terry cocks the gun at him the second Ian even tries looking anywhere else. For a second Mickey's genuinely scared his dad is gonna shoot Ian. But he can't help feeling relieved, despite the fucked up situation he's in, when Terry yells for Ian to get the fuck out after Mickey's fucking into Svetlana and makes her moan out. It's so obviously fake, but Terry doesn't notice._

_It's an hour later that Terry finds the Ben Wa Beads under the couch. The ringing in Mickey's ears drown out the next thing Terry screams at him before he's smashing the string of balls over his son's head. Mickey blacks out after the third blow, his body not having recovered from the previous gun-whip and not being able to handle being beat on with wooden balls._

_Mandy finds him after God knows how many hours, along with Colin and Iggy. Lying on the living room floor half naked and concussed to the point it takes him a full day to really come back to consciousness again. Before Mickey faints again he sees his sibling's faces looking down at him. Mandy's screaming, completely in shock despite the many times she's found Mickey beaten half to death. He only sees Iggy briefly before his brother's running into the direction of the bathroom. His face looks pale as a ghost. Colin has a blank look on his face, but Mickey can see his body trembling.  
_

_Mickey isn't surprised that this is the outcome of Terry finding him with Ian. In fact, he expected it to be way worse than being beaten up and getting raped at gunpoint. But his siblings apparently think this is the worst beating they'd ever seen Mickey receive. And they haven't even found out about Svetlana yet._

_-_---___--__--__-___-_-_-_-_-_--_---___-_--_-_-_-_--_-_-_-_-_-__-_-_-_-_-_-__-_-__-_-_-__-_-__-_-_

_Mickey has his knees pulled up to his chest, head buried in his knees as he tries to block out the sounds coming from the kitchen. He's sitting on his bed, mom's in the kitchen with Terry. Mickey knows he's hyperventilating, can feel his cold breath against his skin.  
_

_Mom is screaming in agony while Terry barks something at her Mickey can't understand. It makes him feel sick, hearing his mom like that. She's the toughest woman on the Southside. Never takes shit from Terry's buddies when they try and harass her while playing cards. That tough as nails lady isn't quite the same anymore once she's alone with Terry behind closed doors. Everybody knows what the Milkoviches are like, even when no one's around to witness the horrors that take place in that house.  
_

_No one ever questions it when the next time Terry and his gang play cards, mom is sporting a black eye and only glares in response to being cat-called instead of smacking the hell out of the fuckers. No one questions it when 12-year old Iggy's front tooth is suddenly missing after he went on a run with Terry. They don't question the purple marks around Colin's throat either.  
_

_As messed up as it is, that shit's not so abnormal in the neighborhood Mickey lives in. Sometimes he wonders if there's kids like him out there that have it even worse than he does. He doesn't doubt it. Terry is the devil's incarnate, but Mickey knows in comparison to other children he's lucky with a dad like that.  
_

_He's still alive.  
_

_-_-___--_--_--_-___-_-_-_--_-___-__-_-__---__------_--__-__-_-_--_-_-__-_-_-_--_-_--____-__-__----_

_Mickey's mom is dead, and he stops going to school.  
_

_He hears the news after Iggy and Colin pick him up from school. The three of them had agreed to go deliver Terry's drugs before going out to the field to shoot at some shit. Mandy can't go with them because it's a guys-only thing, or some other misogynistic rule they made up. They're in the car when Mickey notices his shitty brothers are being awfully quiet instead of blabbing on about something or holding a shouting match._

_"The fuck's it so quiet for in here?" Mickey suddenly asks rather irritated.  
_

_They're both silent for a moment. Mickey's feeling unnerved. Colin's kinda serious sometimes but Iggy being completely silent catches him off guard._

_"Mom's dead." Colin answers simply._

_Mickey's mind goes blank, so does his face because that can't be right. Sure, he hasn't seen ma this morning but she might've just been at The Alibi. Doesn't fucking mean she's dead, though. He just saw her yesterday, alive and relatively well.  
_

_".......you fuckin' with me?" Mickey's tone is low, and he tries to laugh, to lighten the mood but then realizes that his throat has gone dry.  
_

_Iggy shakes his head._

_"We found her after beating Roger Spikey's ass. I don't know how she died. Dad says she was already dead when he got home." Iggy supplies, voice as empty as his eyes._

_Mickey doesn't say anything for the rest of the ride. He calls Mandy though, to tell her to get the fuck home right away.  
_

_Mom isn't in the house anymore by the time they're back. There's blood on the kitchen floor, and Terry's sitting on the couch with an untouched beer in his hand. He doesn't look up when his sons come in. He keeps staring into space with a lost look in his eyes._

_Mickey thinks he looks almost human in that moment. But the question still lingers in the back of his mind:_

**_Did dad kill mom?_ **

_None of them ask where the body is. Mickey feels like his body isn't his own anymore. He feels completely boneless when Mandy's finally been told what happened. She's the first to cry out of all of them, like always. Terry doesn't sneer at them when Mickey and Mandy hug. He's still sitting there, not moving at all. Soon all four siblings are hugging, and Terry Milkovich is still a statue.  
_

_Mickey looks into the bathroom mirror at midnight and wills himself to cry._

_His fucking mom is dead. He doesn't know how or why and he didn't get to say goodbye. Didn't even get to see the body._

_His reflection stares back at him, emotionless. Mickey's eyes are dry and empty. Five minutes pass and with each vision he gets of his mom he feels more and more numb.  
_

_But Mickey doesn't cry. He's never gonna see his mom again but he doesn't cry about it._

-_-_-_-_-_-_-__-__-__--_--__--__--_-_----_-__-__-_--_--_-_-__-_-_--_-_-_--_-_-__-_--_-_--_-__-

_Dad's pulling on Mandy's clothes again. Mickey can smell the booze from where he's frozen in place by the front door._

_"Dad stop! Get the fuck off me!" Mandy yells at him and braces her hands against his chest._

_"Shut the fuck up, Vivian......" Terry grumbles, pushing her down onto the couch.  
_

_Vivian was his mom's name. Terry thinks Mandy is Vivian when he's really wasted. Mickey knows what his dad does to Mandy sometimes, but he rarely ever interferes because then he'll just make it worse for both of them._

_Tonight, however, Mickey is feeling reckless and pissed the fuck off. Maybe it's the joint he smoked at Ian's before coming back home, or maybe it's because of the simple fact that this isn't the first time his dad's about to rape his fucking sister._

_Mandy turns her face and spots Mickey by the door. There's a pleading look in her eyes, but she still shakes her head at him. A silent "Don't get involved."_

_Fuck that, Mickey thinks. He's had more than enough of this shit._

_"Ay." Terry briefly stops groping Mandy to grumble and glare at Mickey._

_"The fuck are you doin' he-"_

_Mickey cuts him off with a sharp blow to his jaw. Terry stumbles off of the couch, spitting on the floor beneath him._

_"Motherfucker!" Terry hisses under his breath before taking quick, heavy steps in Mickey's direction._

_Suddenly Mickey isn't so sure anymore about his decision to deck his dad._

_"Dad, leave him alone!" Mandy pulls on Terry's arm but gets shoved backwards._

_Mickey goes in for another punch, but his father simply blocks it with his palm and grabs a hold of half-full beer bottle._

_"Fuckin' faggot......" Terry smashes the bottle over Mickey's head._

_The beer clouds his vision for a moment as the liquid streams over his eyes. Mickey doesn't see the punch coming. In a matter of seconds, there's blood pouring down his nose like a faucet and he cries out when he's suddenly tackled to the floor._

_"Ya can't ever mind your own business, huh?! Stay in your fucking lane!" Terry yells at him, bringing his fists down on Mickey's face over and over again 'till dark spots are forming before his eyes._

_Mandy snatches her phone off of the coffee table and runs into her room. There's a sharp pounding in Mickey's head that makes him feel like his head will explode any minute now. Terry busts his lip and he can't see anything out of his right eye anymore._

_"St...o..p..." Mickey gargles out when he feels Terry's fingers close around his throat._

_"That'll teach ya, Mikhailo, don't fuck with me......" Terry spits out his name with such hatred it genuinely catches Mickey off guard for a second before he remembers that his dad has always said his name like that. He's always been a complete mistake to him._

_Mickey's eyes start rolling to the back of his head and his grip on his dad's shirt falter. His spazzing is slowly dying out and just when Mickey thinks he'll pass out, there's a soft *thump* noise and Terry's on the floor._

_He chokes and gasps for air, sees Iggy standing over him with a chair in his hand. His brother looks distressed, to say the least._

_"Shit, Mickey, he almost fuckin' killed you......" Iggy doesn't sound surprised as he wildly runs a hand through his hair._

_Mickey can feel his heart beating in his face. His limbs feel paralyzed but the burn at his throat is very much present._

_"Wh....er...e..'s...Man...dy?" He wheezes._

_It takes Iggy a second to register what his little brother is trying to say, but then he's running down the hallway in search of Mandy._

_Mickey stays on the floor beside his knocked out father and feels tears burning in his eyes.  
_

_He pisses blood for a full week afterwards.  
_

_-_-___--_--_--_-___-_-_-_--_-___-__-_-__---__------_--__-__-_-_--_-_-__-_-_-_--_-_--____-__-__----_

_They're all in the backyard. Mickey's chasing after Sandy while Terry's teaching Colin and Iggy how to shoot a gun. Mom and Mandy are inside with Uncle Ronnie._

_It's all good for a while. Iggy gets knocked on the head by dad for almost shooting himself in the foot but it's playful, despite the harsh words._

_Hell, Terry even laughs, fucking fondly when Mickey and Sandy run past.  
_

_"Come and get it, Mickey Mouse!" Sandy waves Mickey's baseball bat around with a grin on her face._

_"Don't call me that!" Mickey screeches and tries to tackle her, but Sandy is quick like a cheetah and dodges him._

_Mickey huffs when he hits the grass and scrapes his knees. He pretends to lie still, acting like he passed out until Sandy cautiously kneels before him and shakes his shoulder._

_"Mickey?" She looks down at him with curious eyes._

_"HIYAH!" Mickey lets out a roar and jumps back up, catching his cousin off guard. Sandy screams and falls backwards, dropping the baseball bat._

_Mickey grabs a hold of it and laughs triumphantly.  
_

_"Hey!" Sandy runs after him and tries to get the wooden stick back._

_"Serves you right, Sandy!" Mickey starts waving his bat around like Sandy did earlier, but then he glances back at her with a grin and fails to see that he's running right towards Colin._

_"Whoa-!" Colin stumbles when his 7-year old brother slams into his leg._

_He drops the gun in surprise. All of them duck when the gun goes off and hits the kitchen's window.  
_

_"GODDAMN IT, MICKEY!" Terry's face is furious as he's towering over Mickey._

_"Sorry, I-"_

_"Shut your fuckin' mouth!" Terry barks and Mickey shuts up._

_Then his dad spots the baseball bat and rips it right out of Mickey's tiny hands. Colin frowns at the display before him._

_"Hey, dad, it was just an accident, don't-" Colin trails off at the threatening glare Terry sends in his direction._

_"Ya think it's funny breakin' the window, huh?" Terry sneers down at the kid._

_Mickey doesn't answer. He stares up at the seemingly giant man and trembles._

_"How many times do I gotta knock ya over the head before you learn some fuckin' responsibility?" Just as Terry finishes the sentence, Mickey sees the wooden bat coming towards his face._

_He starts sobbing at the rough smack to his cheek. His tooth is send flying to the ground and Mickey sloppily spits his own blood out._

_Vivian runs outside and starts arguing with her husband, taking the baseball bat from his hand while Uncle Ronnie meekly stands around._

_Sandy's putting bandages on his damaged knees in the kitchen when she suddenly asks:_

_"Why did Uncle Terry do that?"_

_"Do what?" Mickey peers down at his cousin from under the ice pack he has pressed against his face._

_"Hit you." Sandy quietly clarifies._

_"Because I made Colin drop his gun, duh." Mickey replies with a shrug._

_" My dad doesn't hit me when I mess up." Sandy points out._

_Mickey is surprised at that, even though this information isn't new to him. He'd always wondered why Uncle Ronnie never hit any of his kids when they made a mistake or were being obnoxious. He'd yell and cuss at them sometimes but he never smacked his kids across the face with a baseball bat._

_He doesn't say anything about Sandy's comment and lets her use the disinfection spray on the cut above his eyebrow._

_-_---__--_-_____-_--_-__--__--_--__-__-__-_----_--_--_---_____----__-_-_-___--_--_-_-__-__-_-__---_

_Terry uses different tactics sometimes. When he feels that any of his kids are on the verge of moving the fuck out, he starts to compromise shit. He could easily just threaten them, say he'll kill them if they move out. He needs at least 3 people to run his drugs for him, and he needs to uphold his reputation as the baddest thug on the Southside. Terry Milkovich can't just let his kids move out whenever they feel like it. He needs to hold power over them, show them who's in charge._

_Terry Milkovich has the brain of a goldfish, but he sure knows how to manipulate people._

_On Monday, he breaks Mickey's arm as pay-back for Mickey letting the motherfucker who didn't pay for his drugs get away. But he let's Mickey smoke his last cigarette the evening after._

_Terry gives Colin a black eye that lingers on his face for nearly two weeks, but doesn't say anything about Colin coming home late after running an errand._

_Terry pours boiling hot dog water over Iggy's shoulder but let's him use the car to pick up a girl he's banging the next day._

_Terry smacks Mandy across the face because the "No hitting women" rule doesn't apply to him, especially after Mandy spills his beer. But he doesn't take out his shotgun when Ian's hanging out with Mandy at the house._

_It's a routine that goes on for a while, until Terry deems the lot of them submissive enough that they won't run off._

_Terry notices Mickey watching Ian while he's walking Mandy to school and punches him under the chin so hard his teeth collide with his tongue and he nearly chokes on his blood._

_After that encounter he doesn't do anything somewhat nice like he usually does. If anything, he gets a little worse instead._

_Ian invites him to stay over because Terry is gone on a run for at least two days. Mickey is in the Gallagher's bathroom when he slowly opens his mouth and inspects the damage._

_The imprint of his teeth is visible on his tongue. It feels as painful as it looks. This time, he does cry. Only briefly though, and he almost smashes the mirror with his fist when he realizes what a pussy he's being._

_\--__----_--_--_--_---_--_-_---___---__----_--_-__----__-_-_----_-----____----_----___--_-_---_--_------_--_

Ian startles awake when Mickey suddenly jerks wildly in his arms. His husband's eyes snap open and then Mickey's almost falling off the bed with how fast he's trying to get out of Ian's hold.

"Mickey?" Ian calls out to him but Mickey ignores him.

He dashes out of the room and into the hallway. Ian drowsily follows after him, concerned and exhausted. The light in the bathroom is bright and nearly blinds Ian when he looks inside to find Mickey leaning over the toilet.

"Holy fuck....." Ian suddenly feels wide awake at how violently Mickey is shaking.

He vomits into the toilet, it sounds like he's in pain. Ian kneels down beside his trembling husband and soothingly rubs at his back. Ian's heart drops when he sees the tears forming in the corners of Mickey's eyes. The blue-eyed man let's out a quiet sob and wraps his arms around himself. Ian cautiously seats himself behind Mickey and hugs him.

"Mickey....? Baby, what's wrong?" Ian whispers to him as Mickey continues to shake.

Mickey doesn't reply, just sniffs and raises his head to wipe away the tears. It's all in vain though, because the tears just come streaming right back down.

He feels weak. Knows that he's not that scared little boy he used to be years ago, knows now that it's alright to cry. He knows it and yet he feels useless when Ian turns him around and wipes his tears away with warm hands.

It's when Mickey meets Ian's eyes that he realizes he doesn't feel weak because he's crying, it's because of the reason he's crying in the first place. Last week he fearlessly pointed a gun at his dad and now he's fucking hyperventilating on the bathroom floor. He's scared, even when Ian wraps his arms around him and holds him tight.

Mickey can't make out what his husband is whispering to him, but it's reassuring. It doesn't make him calm down any quicker. Almost ten minutes must've passed by now and he still can't stop crying.

"I love you, Mick..... You're safe here, I'll protect you......" Ian mutters to him on repeat.

He genuinely doesn't know what kind of nightmare could have possibly gotten Mickey so shaken up that he vomited from the stress of it. It's minutes or maybe even hours later that Mickey looks up from Ian's shoulder.

Ian hates seeing him like this. His face looks like all the less than handful of moments he's seen Mickey cry over the years pulled into one expression. He looks so broken that it rattles Ian's bones.

"M'sorry......" Mickey roughly wipes his hands over his face. This time the tears don't return.

Ian gently grabs a hold of the pale man's smaller hands and intertwines their fingers. Mickey snorts at the act, probably thinking to himself "This is so gay, Gallagher"

"You don't gotta talk about it, if you don't want to." Mickey winces and drops his gaze to the floor.

"Hey, it's alright..... You're safe, okay?" Ian leans forward and nuzzles Mickey's temple with his nose.

Mickey doesn't explain why he jerked awake and had a panic attack at 2 AM, just tells Ian they have to get back to bed or else there's gonna be shit in the morning.

He can feel Mickey's body still trembling when they're back under the covers together. 

Mickey doesn't sleep that night, neither does Ian.


End file.
